Sometimes I get scared. Normally it’s when I’m alone, like today. Having been on the go for over 24 hours. I’m tired and bored and my mind has time to wonder. It’s August already. I can’t believe it. Time is moving fast, too fast. In less than 2 months I’ll be home again. I’ll be back in the real world. I don’t want to go back. I like traveling and more than that I like this version of me.
The me that travels is relaxed and easy-going. She doesn’t panic often, she laughs lots and smiles all the time. She talked to strangers and doesn’t worry what they think. She is confident and sometimes a bit foolhardy. She laughs at her mistakes and calls them adventures. This me loves life and everything it throws at her.
This me is goes where her heart takes her. She plans on a whim and figures out the details later. She takes trains through mountains and rolling countryside and even when they seem to go on forever she just smiles. Boredom isn’t the same either. It’s a tool to think more, to have a moment of reflection and calm. She finds joy in everything, she even wants to talk to her parents sometimes! This me tells her friends she loves them.
She misses proper towels that actually dry you but not enough to want to carry one around. She doesn’t mind 30-degree heat and can sleep pretty much anywhere. This me knows budgets need to be a little flexible and showers aren’t always possible to come by. This me is even more easily excited than normal me. And I want to hold onto her.
When I get home I want to keep this version of me alive. I want this to be the side they see. This happy go lucky, smiling, laughing, occasional risk-taking me. One who worries less and smiles more. But sometimes I wonder if she will disappear, if she will fade into the background as real life takes over, as going to work replaces exploring a city, as the daily commute becomes the train rides.
Will she appreciate her friends as much when she sees them every day? Will she want to chat with her parents when she lives with them?
I don’t want to give up this lifestyle, I don’t want to go back to the safety of my routine. Sometimes things on the go get too much and I need a break but only for a day or so and then I want to go again. I’m scared of leaving this all behind. People say travel changes you, but I don’t feel changed, I just feel free…